Week 4: The Million Dollar Challenge
Making a million tiny messes.
The mess. The discomfort.
I couldn’t have predicted how much perfectionism I’d have to give up in pursuit of a new life.
Perfectionism has been my shield, since the day I discovered I was being graded on a scale, and that A = excellent and F = very bad.
I wanted to be a good girl. I wanted straight As. Anything less, was unacceptable.
Oftentimes I came fairly close to perfect and was handsomely rewarded.
When I made the honor roll, I got to spend the day playing games at Chuck-E-Cheese! Winning prizes, stuffed bears, holographic stickers, gobbling down pizza. When my GPA hit an all time high in college I was invited to join Phi Beta Kappa. (Fancy right?)
In school I learned the value of getting it right.
I was not taught the value of getting it wrong.
The priceless lessons that can be found in making messes, mistakes, experimenting, trying something and failing miserably.
As a child, I rarely wanted to try new things, for fear it would be obvious I didn’t know a thing. I can think of three instances: learning to ride a bike, roller skating and swing dancing. All seemingly “traumatic experiences” from my childhood.
I hated every second of looking foolish. Falling down. Standing bow legged. Wobbly. Unsure of myself. Unsure of the person teaching me. Embodying Bambi walking for the first time. Tentative with every step. AWKWARD. (with a capital A)
Thank goodness I didn’t let the awkward, yucky feelings of not knowing keep me from the thrill of riding my bike on a balmy Spring day, or the elation of skating around the rink to Whitney Houston under a glittering disco ball. Or the joy of impressing a crowd with my dance moves and feeling the beat in my bones.
Perfectionism isn’t protecting us, it’s keeping us from LIVING ALL IN.
Perfectionism has a way of keeping us laser focused on trivial things that rarely have a positive impact on our lives, our relationships, and our experiences.
We become like the movie director insisting on 99 takes when take 3 was good enough!
We tweak instead of share.
We pick apart instead of making connections
We criticize instead of try.
We avoid instead of act.
Never feeling prepared enough.
Never feeling educated enough.
Never feeling ready enough.
Never feeling good enough.
Enough is enough.
It’s time to trade perfectionism for compassionate curiosity.
In my pursuit of building a new life, becoming an entrepreneur and working toward making a million dollars, my old life has shattered into a million tiny pieces.
Most days these days, I find myself fumbling in the dark, in the mess of not knowing but trying. Experimenting, flailing, failing, again, and again, and again.
If I were to give this chapter in my life a name, it would be…Finding Myself in the Fog.
I have never felt more vulnerable, unsure, and uncomfortable, every single day.
I’ve never made a million dollars before.
I’ve never been an entrepreneur before.
I’ve never tried to live a more intentional life before.
Until now.
I don’t know EXACTLY what I am doing, but I am willing to fall forward, because I no longer want perfectionism to keep me hemmed in. I want to fly.
If we are to pursue anything worthwhile, we must be willing to get messy. Take wobbly steps forward knee deep in dirt, sh*t, uncertainty and vulnerability.
Trusting that we aren’t falling backwards, we are falling forwards.
I understand its hard to set perfectionism aside because it feels like it’s been protecting us for years…Or so we like to think.
Most of us are under the misguided impression that if we are “perfect” enough we can shield ourselves from hurt, heartache, rejection, failure and undesirable outcomes.
My sweet dear, that is simply not true.
Perfectionism can’t protect us from the bumps and scrapes of life, no matter how perfect we strive to be.
Read that again.
Perfectionism can’t protect us from the bumps and scrapes of life, no matter how perfect we strive to be.
It is in the messy middle, that we discover how courageous, brave and resilient we truly are. We find our mettle in the mud. We gain self-trust, confidence and belief that no matter what happens we can figure it out.
As I work toward a million dollars in a year, I have already made a million messes.
Fumbling my way through social media, email lists, Shopify, marketing and sales, product development, writing blog posts, understanding who I help and what value I have to bring.
I’ll admit to you, I’ve been scared sh*tless most days and sometimes unbearably uncomfortable. I recently signed paperwork at the bank for an SBA loan, which is going to propel my affirmation decks forward in a profitable way that I couldn’t have achieved on my own.
I wobbled my way through the phone interview with the loan officer, through the decision to proceed, through the vulnerable act of sharing my financials to signing on the dotted line.
It’s hard to be perfect when you’ve never been the person you are trying to become.
I am figuring it all out as I go.
Making a million dollars is going to be messy. I realize that now. There is no way around it. I am not going to make perfect decisions, have perfect answers or the perfect pitch.
But that’s okay. I am trading perfectionism for compassionate curiosity.
I will stay curious and carry on as I muddle my way through the muck, because I am building something unbelievably amazing, a life I love.
I am ready to release the lie that has kept me from spreading my wings.
The lie that:
I am not enough.
It’s not enough.
There is never enough…time, money, resources.
I didn’t do enough.
In the fog and mess, God has surprised me with a message. For you and me.
No matter what happens.
No matter how much money is in your bank account.
No matter how many tasks you get to on your to do list.
It’s enough.
You are enough.
God has given us the gift of letting us know NOW we are inherently enough exactly as we are. So tonight, when you rest your head on your pillow, know that all that you did and all that you are is enough.
Xo Whitney Anne Ellis
P.S. If you’d like to join the One Million Dollar Challenge please feel free to write your intention in the comments below with the hashtag #onemilliondollarchallenge. I also encourage you to read my first blog post to get started. :)
P.P.S. I am a Money Life Coach, and I can help you. Find out how, here.
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See you next Friday!
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//DISCLAIMER: All content has been prepared for informational, entertainment, and educational purposes only, and is not intended as Financial, Legal, or Tax Advice. Seek a professional, if you need it.
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